Hey Big Man,
I’ve been meaning to talk to you for a while, but due to the current limitations of my eight word and four animal noise vocabulary, mummy has kindly agreed to paraphrase for me. Here goes:
Thanks for all the rough play.
I love our bedtime stories.
Your pirates are just so – piratey. Don’t tell mummy, but hers always sound like they come from Jamaica. In fact, so do her bears and bunnies and monsters and dinosaurs and fairies and frogs. She only has two voices – her mummy voice and her Jamaican pirate/bear/bunny/monster/dinosaur/fairy/frog voice.
It’s not much of a repertoire.
Peanut butter can totally be upcycled into hair gel.
I like to think of my carbon footprint. It’s no accident when a dollop of the nutty stuff ends up in mummy’s hair. It’s been a really long time since she went to the hairdresser, so I figure she needs all the help she can get.
Cream cheese also makes a good hair gel substitute. I tried mayonnaise once, but that was just plain wrong.
You’ve totally got my back.
You understand the importance of sandwiches being delivered to me in triangles. And you’re totally sympathetic when I go batsh*t crazy when some crazy-assed fool dares to offer me a squared one.
I mean – how hard is it…?
I have loaded the dishwasher.
I ate half a bowl of Mister Squiggles’ feline snack biscuits this morning. They tasted like Cheerios dipped in feet. I have since filed your watch in the waste paper basket, along with your left slipper. Your right slipper is in the dishwasher – caked in Cheerio/feet flavoured cat biscuit vomit.
Never let it be said that I don’t clean up after myself.
It’s like one mind.
The last time you blew raspberries on my tummy I laughed so hard I thought my head might fall off, so to reciprocate – I pooped in mummy’s bath.
I have a sneaky suspicion you might have figured this out already, but…
Mummy didn’t take Mister Ducky for a swim in the toilet. Nor did she reorganise your DVD collection. And you don’t have her to thank for your Sharpie pen autographed passport either.
She Pixies did however eat the last triple choc-chip cookie.
You coming home from work is the highlight of my day.
Thank you for winning the bread and burning the bacon.
I love you more than giant boogers.
Your biggest fan,
Little Man x