For the Love of God, Pleeeeeaaase Stop Buying Giant Teddies

For the Love of God, Pleeeeeaaase Stop Buying Giant Teddies loveanddribble.com

Image via Shutterstock

Whoever invented giant teddies needs beating around the head with a large silicon spatula. My reasons for this are fivefold:

  1. Oversized cuddly toys scare the bejesus out of me.
  2. They’re just so, well… BIG. You need a loft conversion to accommodate.
  3. Oversized cuddly toys scare the bejesus out of me.
  4. I’ve always wanted to beat someone around the head with a spatula.
  5. Oversized cuddly toys scare the bejesus out of me.

Colossal teddies aren’t the only gift parents would gladly throw off a cliff – in a bag full of rocks (with more giant teddies). Here’s my list of 17 things not to buy a child, unless you really hate their mum and dad:

  1. Giant teddies (see above).
  2. Toys that are super loud, repetitive, have no ‘quiet’ option or off switch and therefore inevitably drive parents batsh*t crazy.
  3. Anything alive – as it won’t be for much longer.
  4. Wildly inappropriate toys: The Godfather trilogy / hooker Barbie / imitation weapons of mass destruction / absolutely anything with Justin Bieber’s face on it.
  5. Glitter.
  6. Things that maim: BB guns / slingshots / construction kits that require nails or superglue.
  7. A lifetime’s supply of sweets, inevitably consumed within twenty minutes of receipt.

    For the Love of God, Pleeeeeaaase Stop Buying Giant Teddies loveanddribble.com

    Image via Fotolia

  8. Absolutely anything with a zillion pieces.
  9. Permanent marker.
  10. Musical “haven’t you practised that enough today darling?” instruments.

    For the Love of God, Pleeeeeaaase Stop Buying Giant Teddies loveanddribble.com

    Image via Shutterstock

  11. Small toys that when stepped on in the middle of the night, lead to parents screaming blue murder and/or losing a toe.
  12. Giant colour-in cardboard playhouses that inevitably become the focal point of your living room for the next six months.
  13. Tattoos.
  14. Piercings.
  15. Energy drinks.
  16. Alcohol.
  17. Giant teddies (I have my spatula to hand).

For the Love of God, Pleeeeeaaase Stop Buying Giant Teddies loveanddribble.com

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